Do we confront anymore?

[Jim in Chicago]

Does it work to directly confront people about things that they are doing to intrude upon your world?  I don't think so anymore.  It seems the world is shifting, and if somebody is treading upon you, the "new" way to deal with it may be to ignore it or to remove yourself from the situation.  In my opinion, our culture has become one of self centered rudeness.  

Some Examples:

1. Tailgating
2. loud yacking on cell phones in public places
3. competitive behavior
4. displays of wealth
5. aggressive behavior towards neighbors i.e doing what you want on your property regardless of the feelings of neighbors.
6. A minor example, yuppie bicycle riders riding in the road (when there is a path available)

In all of these cases, if you confront the individual committing the offense, you are met with either shock (what are you talking about?  I wasn't doing anything!), or you are met with outright aggression, i.e. physical threats.

Is it a new world out there, or am I jsut becoming a curmudgeon?

[John Masterson]

Jim,

I have noticed many of these things as well. I was behind a guy on a bike, decked out in full racing stretch nylon, furiously pedaling along in front of me at all of 26mph and not moving over to the curb... until I honked at him.

I see tailgaters all the time acting like morons, zipping ahead  and latching onto the next car in front of them as soon as they can.

I called the police last week at 12:30am for the people who had a smoky fire going in one of those backyard portable, round "fireplaces"...the smoke was coming right into our bedroom making my slight asthma tighten up my chest and making my wife cough.  The police sent the Fire Department, who came Code Red with full siren and lights...why I don't know... but it got the neighbor's attention!

I do think society, at least urban society, is becoming more rude and selfish.

[codger]

Quote:I do think society, at least urban society, is becoming more rude and selfish.

You might say that "the barbarians have won". You could also say that civility is dead. In both cases you'd be correct.

[DarkHumour]

Chicago has always seemed like a place to be ostentatious about your "wealth" or bling.   It's weird though. People could live in a cardboard box while owning and driving a car far beyond their means.

I've joked that the way to hurt yuppies is to inconvenience them.  I get annoyed with people who don't think the rules apply to them.

I've kicked the fender of a Mercedes that gunned through an intersection from a full stop rather than wait for the pedestrians to cross. My foot went "crunch" and I had an xray done. (I was fine).  But my steel toed boots probably did some damage. I staggered away (to the gasps of the lady behind me) before the guy tried to sue me / shoot me / whatever.

Idiots used to park in my spot behind my apartment complex periodically.  I yelled at some woman to move her car. She told me to simply chose another spot. No! I pay over $1000 for that spot a year. (at the time) She then moved to another spot.  Only person that I've ever seen towed was *me* when my damn parking sticker fell off and into my trunk through my recently stolen car speakers' mounting hole.

I've also been in line at an ATM and the woman in front of me was taking a while and then answered a cell phone call.  This really irritated the guy behind me and he yelled at her about it.

All of this stuff seems to be a symptom of high pressure city living. What could explain this? Sociology. Psychology. Future shock.

I've pondered a bit more (after talking to a German guy at my hostel) how much of American culture is dominated and motivated by fear.  Who can profit from this uncertainty? Politicians? "The Media" ? Horror movies ?

DarkHumour

[codger]

Quote:I've kicked the fender of a Mercedes that gunned through an intersection from a full stop rather than wait for the pedestrians to cross. My foot went "crunch" and I had an xray done. (I was fine). But my steel toed boots probably did some damage. I staggered away (to the gasps of the lady behind me) before the guy tried to sue me / shoot me / whatever.

You're not in California. As I recall, the pedestrian only has the right of way in Illinois if the signage says so. It's not universal. In Chicago, they'll run over you in a crosswalk. When kicking a Mercedes (latent hostility toward the wealthy?), be aware that a lot of them are driven by attorneys. Could become problematic for you.

[John Masterson]

Quote:You might say that "the barbarians have won". You could also say that civility is dead. In both cases you'd be correct.

No, that's black-and-white, binary thinking. I don't think that it is 100% bad and completely rude in all interactions.

I just think it's worse than it used to be, and significantly so.

[TRexx]

Quote:I've pondered a bit more (after talking to a German guy at my hostel) how much of American culture is dominated and motivated by fear. Who can profit from this uncertainty? Politicians? "The Media" ? Horror movies ?  

People who sell "security".

[DarkHumour]

It wasn't "lashing out at the rich." I was kicking a car of some a$$hole who nearly ran me over.  I happened to remember it was a Mercedes.  And yeah. I figured that nearly getting squished probably doesn't factor in to his property damage hence my hobbling away to the train.

This happened about 10 years ago... before I was "calmer".

I've kicked one other car that was some bucket and the guy yelled at me about it.  I figure the next time I learn to "tuck and roll" or assume that the person driving has decided that injury or death of several people is worth getting a destination mere moments earlier.  

Actually I've *already* made that assumption.

[codger]

Quote:assume that the person driving has decided that injury or death of several people is worth getting a destination mere moments earlier.

Actually I've *already* made that assumption.

Unfortunately, your assumption is valid. Common sense is less and less a part of the driver's mindset anymore. Add to this that the drivers are more distracted than ever (cell phone, GPS, DVDs, eating etc.), and it becomes clear that the streets are more dangerous than in the past.

[codger]

Quote:Who can profit from this uncertainty?

M$, Norton AV, etc.

[The Gorn]

There is no semblance of social empathy at any level whatsoever. That is what has changed in society in the last 20 to 30 years.

In  general, everyone is fully justified, with no guilt or equivocation, in their own minds to do anything they want. The only real barrier (if any) is the law. The mentality of people on "The People's Court" or "Jerry Springer" is now a standard way of thinking in society.

This absolutist "everything for me" thinking is why (IMO) we have so many dumbassed laws. People cannot be expected to behave politely or reasonably.

I have absolutely no problem, for instance, with restaurants and businesses setting up smoking and no-smoking zones. But the standard practice in most urban states is to ban smoking in all commercial establishments.

You are describing a reaction to symptoms. I think you are correct. Confrontation has become a dangerous practice. These days, it's a direct precursor to a shooting or stabbing.

[David Cressey]

I think "The People's Court"  (Judge Wapner)  was far more civil and far more credible than today's knockoffs, like Judge Judy.

Today, the judge acts like one of the barbarians.   Wapner at least tried to maintain some semblance of what a real court would do.

[Jim in Chicago]

Good points.  There is also another symtop I've noticed.  You see less people taking ownership of their bad behavior.   I'm talking "grownups" here.  Scary stuff sometimes.

My worldview is really messed up right now.  I have a series of "feuds" resulting directly from my standing up for my rights in the neighborhood, etc.  In retrospect, it would have been easier to have let the other parties walk all over me.

So the deal is essentially this.  The other person is going to do stuff to you.  You have two choices.  1) leave the scene  2) fight back and face a lot of wrath.  What is not on the table is for the other person to stop their bad behavior.

[Jim in Chicago]

Also, you never know if the person driving the vehicle just "doesn't care".  Maybe they are going through bad times, and have nothing to lose.  Or they are going through a divorce and don't give a sh!t what happens to them.  Got to stay out of their way so as not to become collatoral damage.

[John Masterson]

Jim,

Regarding the neighbors. There are bullies in the world. Luckily I have not had to face this from neighbors yet. I am a peaceful guy; and as you see from the board, I try to understand the other person's point of view...as long as I think they are TRYING to be fair.

But when another person decides it's their way or war...well that's a tough situation, because there is no happy solution. Fighting is uncomfortable; being walked on is uncomfortable.

Too bad so many adults are still two-year-olds that don't understand mature give and take.